Although my mother holds many degrees she was a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence is not just what a husband or boyfriend does. It is something that is done by anyone who hold the intimate trust of a woman (i.e. mother, father,etc). My mother's response to the domestic violence I experience reminded me of a scene from The Color Purple( "Beat her.") What a bunch of hogwash.
My standing up against the verbal assault was the reason I was physically assaulted. I knew not to expect any sympathy or compassion from my mother. After I told her I was sexually molested as a child by her first cousin, she said it was my fault for not staying out of the way. Her reaction helped to sever the toxic umbilical cord. I told her I would move into my unfinished home rather than continue to "house sit" for her. I reviewed how I arranged my career around her needs. I felt no regrets for I had done what a daughter should do. When she realized I was serious about leaving she attempted manipulation of my emotions. Yet the fact that she is aiding my attacker made her words fall on deaf ears.
I had over the years given into the subtle attacks on my confidence. Those attacks would have me undermining my self worth outside of the work place. I would either hand over all of my money to her or to the crap table. I could only please her if I was working some high profile job. My point here is my mother's behavior towards me made me a great candidate for abuse.
My first lover abused me. It took 7 years but I finally left. My son's father thought for an instant to abuse me, I left in that same twinkle. I made a conscious effort to stay single. I just did not have the time or the patience for abuse. However in spite of my efforts there was one person I should have seen coming, my younger brother.
My younger brother, for whom I stopped my education at one point, is what psychologist would call a true psychopath. He has the ability to be charming but he enjoys watching others in pain. At the age of 5 he put rubber bands around the neck of a young puppy, the puppy died. He has bragged about hitting women and children. Because I am aware of the burden of proof, I have not been able to do anything about his behavior until recently.
Recently he crossed the line. He actually went from cursing and demeaning me in front of my son to putting his hands on me. It was in that moment that he learned why I took as much as I did from him, our mother. Our mother had once threaten to have me arrested for calling the police after he had attacked his girlfriend in front of me. The girl did not press charges. This time because he attacked me I was able to press charges. Because my mother was not around she was not able to interfere in my call to the police. She would later tell me that I call the police too much. She also claim to never heard her son say anything demeaning to me.
Today, my mother heard him say much that was demeaning to me and also threatening to me. He blamed me for the "injuries" he suffered while in jail the previous night. He stated how he would seriously hurt me before the police took him away today. Today, my mother could not deny his behavior. Yet, she still attempted to make me the cause for the altercation and his temperament. I then reminded her of his transgression against others who would not do what he asked of them( broken windshields, broken game systems, waterline damage and the list continues). I also reminded her of the violence he has committed against other women and her condoning his behavior. Faced with these reminders she could only blame my being a homosexual.
I had to think for a moment as to if she was also Tracy Morgan's mother as well. I could only give to her the "Really??!!?" look. Seeing no movement in me she then went for the "What about your son?" speech. As I told her, it would be better for us to sit in the dark without water than to endure another night in a home where we can not have peace. My mother's denial and self hate is the root of the problem for her children. I, however, have come to understand that having her love is not a possibility in my life and I must move on in life. Her denial in regards to the criminal psychological issues of my bother puts her and the community at risk. She refused to accept the possibility that my bother would hurt himself in order to accuse the police of brutality. Because I know him, I know he would do it. Yet my mother falling for his line of pity asked me to give $20 to him. Really??!!!
When I filled out the paperwork for a restraining order, I understood why so many women die even though they have a restraining order. Tonight my son and I are at a hotel. We will deal with the stress of moving into our home Friday. Tonight and tomorrow we shall attempt to regain our peace.
Please if you are aware of domestic violence speak up. If you are a victim of domestic violence stop being afraid of how your life will change if you speak up. Together we can stop violence against women in America. Please click on the links. If I did not share this part of my life then I am not being of real service to my readers. It is important that we have these discussions.
http://www.aaets.org/arts/art8.htm (Children and domestic violence)