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TBH or Confession Session #1

When I started this blog I was highly pissed with the media using lies to create discord in USA.  Rush Limbaugh had White men afraid of anyone darker than the blooms of a magnolia tree or who didn’t have a penis.  I watched White people in Mississippi be manipulated into voting for a government that would fly the Confederate battle flag while robbing them blind. The generational hatred these people carried was disproportionate to that carried by Black people in Mississippi, if you consider who was in chattel slavery and swinging from trees like pecans in the Fall.  I saw fear and hate selling but solving nothing. 
Mike Brown and Trayvon Martin were still living but would soon be victims of the fear mongering.  The death of Mike Brown hit me very hard.  I saw his murder for what it was, a return to the time when due process of law was denied for Black people in America.  As a Black woman, with children who can be challenging, I was hit hard with a deep seated fear that I worked hard to keep deep seated.
Although I fought it depression won.  I would see things and desire to post but mostly felt, "Why bother?"  My faith demanded I not be hopeless but reality hit me daily of the dangers faced by Black people in America.  Guilt would whelm inside me for not walking the talk.  Each day was a struggle to be loving and hope filled.  I would speak words of encouragement to my kids and pray every hour for their wellbeing.  My personal experience with police brutality came after the murder of Rexdale Henry in a Mississippi jail.  Rex, MS Band of Choctaws, was not one to bite his tongue.  He knew his rights and history.  He was murdered one day after Sandra Bland.  It has been over a year and still tears form.   Now when I go on the reservation we hug one another as if it is our last time.
It was after Rex’s murder that I recognized I had changed.  When I said “love” or “loving” it was no longer code for “fuck” or “fucking”.   In the midst of everything I had become more love and less snark.  The more I greeted each day with love the more love flowed into my world.  I’ve met more people in Mississippi who are actually liberal with no shame.  The deeper the state goes into austerity the more people are coming out of the closet as being liberal, socialists even. 
On a national level I am about to vote for a woman to be president of the United States.    Although women are being dragged every day, I am seeing more women take a stand.  When Nate Parker refused to own up to rape, Black women refused to see his movie.  2016 is the rise of women in the USA.   Although it is now Fall I too am ready to rise again.  Look forward to seeing weekly updates to this blog. 


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