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Rape: Let's get real about it. :update link

This weekend I had dedicated to finally finishing my NaNoWriMo novel , I can say with certainty, it won’t happen this year.  The last time I update my blog was after Mike Brown was killed.  I have been depressed.  Tonight, I am up writing not because of Mike Brown but rape.  Sadly we live in a rape driven culture. 

Rape is accepted as a strange norm in America.  Rappers rap about, Eminem .  It is used as a threat to keep kids out of prision, “Got soap on a rope?”  Even my favorite television show depicts violent sexual scenes.  Rape, in our developed first world nation, is accepted.

As long as I live, I shall never forget a woman telling to me the story of her desire to beat a teenager (15) for having sex with her husband.  I asked her if she thought the teen was the issue.  A forty plus year old man with a 15 year old girl is rape.  There is nothing sexy about a 15 year old.  A 15 year old can only consent to fries with that shake. 

I remember a former lover telling to me one night her fantasy of being raped by a group of Black guys.  I remember lying there thinking, “What the fuck?”  “Do I dare to sleep tonight?’  She had normalized the “rape” that occurred during her college years by White males.   I learned she had been a party favor.  She self-medicated with cases of beer and pills.  

A person who is either drunk or drugged cannot consent to sex. 

I could end this post now but I shall not.  When I was raped it was by someone I trusted.  I wasn't drunk or high.  I was wearing a sweat suite.  I was not asking for it.  I was asking to live.  When I told my friends, who were also friends of my attacker, they insisted I was lying.  They then insisted it would ruin his life if I said anything.   My self-worth at that time took a double hit.  When I read the comments about the Cosby allegations, I feel those feelings I thought were dead. 

We have supposedly scholarly people making stupid comments about the accusers.  Don Lemon gave out the advice to bite someone when forced into fellatio.  Other social commentators are writing in the national newspapers about the length of time in coming forth.   I read these comments with an understanding these people haven’t been raped.  They don’t understand their comments are the reason rapes go unreported. 

My reasons rapes go unreported:
  • ·         Guilt.  You think you made someone rape you.
  • ·         Coerced by either the rapists or others to keep quiet.
  • ·         Fear of rejection from others.
  • ·         If you don’t talk about it, it didn’t happen. 

The women coming forth are being accused of wanting book deals.  People are asking why Cosby didn't rape all the women who had worked with him over the years.   I even had someone say, “There is no way a Black man could rape a White woman in the 60’s and not go to jail.”  I hung my head at her words.  These alleged rapes happened before I was born. I don’t know either the accusers or Mr. Cosby.   I can’t say if they did or didn't happen.  I can say we need to check our responses. The responses I have heard allow the rape culture to continue. 

In 1969 Bill Cosby was a rising star.  He was the poster child of Black done right during a period of great civil unrest in America.  Could he have done such and gotten away with it?  Hell yeah.  There is someone in the news today who should be under the jail but I can’t recall this person stepping foot in a court room.  Some people gain such privilege in exchange for making money for others. 

I acknowledge there have been false accusations of rape.  False accusations only justify the blaming of victims of actual rapes.  I would rather err on the side of the victim being honest than to deny the incident occurred.

 There may be a statute of limitation on rape but the harm lasts for generations.  It will play itself out in the lives of the children of both the victim and the rapist.   It is important for the victim to address the rape in his/her timeframe.  It can take years to address the harm done from rape.  It is wrong to have a timetable on rape.  Note:  pedophilia is also rape. 

My summation on the Cosby matter is :
We need to stop blaming the victim.  Victim is not a bad word by the way.
  • We need to stop accepting rape as normal
  • Rape doesn’t make you manly or increases your intelligence
  • Bill Cosby has made his money.  He doesn’t need to do jack.
  • Some of the accusers are pensionable age. 
  • If he did it, he needs to come clean.  Give to his victims the closure needed.
  • If he didn’t then these women are doing great harm to women who have been raped.  


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